with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
