dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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