i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
