Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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