Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
