if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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