she smelled like a LAN party
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
