When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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