you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need to calm my uterus...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
