she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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