I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize