Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
