Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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