U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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