If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
