Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
