She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
