he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
