dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
