how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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