the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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