May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
