did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This girl is more easily done than said...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
