I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize