My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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