That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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