I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
