i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
