first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am spending my child support on dildos
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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