You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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