she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
