Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
