My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
