He had one of those small greek statue penises
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
