I am in a vortex of obligation.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize