Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
