Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
