Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
