No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
