Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
