Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
