apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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