I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize