Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
