I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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