Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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