I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize