Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
