Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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