we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
