I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
