Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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