Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
