we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
