If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
