The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
