I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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