so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
