everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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