is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize