My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize