I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
