Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
