Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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