kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
