how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
