Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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