i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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