I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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