I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
