You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
