I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
BRING THE BAGELS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
