I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
