if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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