Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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