well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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