I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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