I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
