So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
