If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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