just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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