So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize