with your own penis?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
