I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
