Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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