If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
