She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
