Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize