happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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