how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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