You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
