its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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