He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
