I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
