it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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