Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
