she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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