You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Alive.
So much puke
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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