This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
