I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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